What can you soften? You can soften your brain. You can soften a crunchy towel with water. You can soften the blow to an ex by informing him or her that your new lover is horribly disfigured and frighteningly repellent. Please … do come to the concert and tell us what you would like to soften or what you have had the pleasure and privilege of softening so far this year. In return, we will shower you with … well, let’s just say that we will shower you.